An older relative’s shrinking savings can raise hard questions. Are care and medical costs consuming more than expected? Is someone pressuring them to give away money? Or are they simply making choices the family does not understand? A declining balance does not automatically mean exploitation. What matters is where the money is going, whether the spending benefits the older adult, and whether their decisions reflect their own wishes.
“The focus should be protection, not preserving an inheritance at the expense of a loved one’s comfort, care, or independence.”
THE GUIDING PRINCIPLE
Normal Expenses That Can Reduce an Inheritance
An estate plan describes how remaining assets pass at death; it does not guarantee that a particular amount will remain. Nor does a family member’s expectation of an equal share control. In Matter of Will of Liebl, 260 N.J. Super. 519 (App. Div. 1992), a New Jersey court upheld an unequal will where the testator managed his own financial affairs and met with counsel alone.
Legitimate costs can be substantial:
- Help with bathing, dressing, meals, and transportation, as well as home care, assisted living, and nursing home services. Medicare’s nursing home coverage is limited, so families should not assume it will cover an extended stay.
- Treatment, prescriptions, and services not fully covered by insurance. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) notes that health and care needs often increase later in life.
- Property taxes, insurance, repairs, utilities, and paid help for work the person once handled alone.
Start with a clear picture of income and expenses. With the older adult’s permission or appropriate legal authority, compare account activity with actual bills and care arrangements. Understandable increases call for planning; unexplained transfers, missing funds, or unpaid necessities call for closer attention.
Warning Signs That Deserve a Closer Look
Exploitation can involve strangers, but also caregivers, friends, professionals, romantic partners, or family members. It may take the form of theft, pressured gifts, misuse of financial authority, or charges for services never provided.
- Unexplained withdrawals and transfers. Repeated cash withdrawals, large wires, unfamiliar purchases, or unusual gifts are concerning when the person cannot explain them or someone else insists on answering for them. In Matter of Nealon, 57 A.D.3d 1325 (3d Dep’t 2008), substantial withdrawals after a mother moved in with her son and daughter-in-law, together with evidence of dependence, raised an issue for trial, though the court did not find every transaction involuntary. Urgent requests for payment by gift card, cryptocurrency, or wire are classic scam tactics.
- Unpaid bills despite available funds. A pattern of unpaid housing, medical, or care bills, especially after someone else has taken over the finances, is a red flag the CFPB specifically identifies.
- Sudden changes to accounts or estate documents. New beneficiaries, added account holders, or pressure to sign a will, deed, trust, or power of attorney warrant review, particularly if the person seems confused, afraid, or dependent on the beneficiary. In Haynes v. First Nat’l State Bk. of N.J., 87 N.J. 163 (1981), involving favorable changes and an attorney with conflicting loyalties, the New Jersey Supreme Court required reconsideration under a heightened burden of proof, without itself invalidating the documents.
- Isolation and control. A caregiver or new companion who restricts visits, monitors calls, or always speaks for the older adult may be controlling more than the finances.
A change alone does not prove exploitation. The real questions are whether the older adult understands the decision, wants it, and can discuss it freely. In Matter of Prevratil, 121 A.D.3d 137 (3d Dep’t 2014), a New York court rejected a will challenge where the evidence supported the testator’s wishes and a lawyer confirmed them. Likewise, in Pascale v. Pascale, 113 N.J. 20 (1988), the New Jersey Supreme Court upheld substantial lifetime transfers to a son because the father understood and voluntarily made them, despite a confidential relationship.
How Families Can Help
- Talk privately and respectfully. Choose a calm setting without the suspected exploiter present and ask open questions, such as “Is anyone asking you to send money or sign something?” Avoid accusations or inheritance complaints. The CFPB recommends listening calmly; several conversations may be needed.
- Add practical safeguards. With the person’s agreement, set up account alerts, regular statement reviews, and reliable bill payment. A trusted contact designation can help, but it does not authorize that person to manage the account.
- Review who is managing the money. Understand the basis and limits of any agent’s or trustee’s role; “I’m handling everything” is not a substitute for documentation and accountability. In Matter of Ferrara, 7 N.Y.3d 244 (2006), the New York Court of Appeals held that expanded gifting authority did not permit an agent’s self-gifts contrary to the principal’s interests and plans. In State v. Kennedy, 61 N.J. 509 (1972), a New Jersey criminal case, the court held that a bank power of attorney did not authorize the agent to take the principal’s funds for himself.
- Preserve records and report promptly. Note dates, amounts, names, and what the older adult said, and keep statements you are authorized to access. Notify the institution’s fraud department and contact Adult Protective Services or law enforcement as appropriate. You do not need to prove the whole case before reporting. In an emergency, call 911.
Protect the Person, Not Just the Balance
The central question is not whether an older relative will leave as much as the family expected, but whether their resources support their needs and choices, free from theft, deception, or coercion. Stay connected, understand ordinary expenses, notice unexplained changes, and respond without blame, preserving both financial security and dignity.
This article provides general information and is not a substitute for legal advice about a particular situation.
If you are concerned about an older relative’s finances, a power of attorney, or recent changes to estate planning documents, the Law Office of Barry E. Janay, P.C. can help you understand the options and take appropriate protective steps.
Barry E. Janay, Esq. is a seasoned New York and New Jersey attorney with over 20 years of legal experience, focusing on estate planning, probate, business law, and complex legal matters. As the founder of The Law Office of Barry E. Janay, he provides strategic, results-driven legal guidance to individuals and businesses navigating high-stakes decisions.
Barry has served as senior counsel and general counsel across multiple industries, bringing deep expertise in regulatory compliance, contracts, and corporate strategy. Known for his direct, no-nonsense approach, he helps clients resolve legal challenges efficiently while protecting their long-term interests.
He is admitted to practice in New York, New Jersey, and multiple federal courts, and has been recognized for his professional excellence and client-focused advocacy.
